2021–02–04 How To Not Be A Stupid Criminal, Like These Idiots

2021–02–04 How To Not Be A Stupid Criminal, Like These Idiots

All right, so you probably don’t have to be as smart as Nadia Willis in Nobody’s Property to get away with it - not that you should embark on a life of crime (I feel a disclaimer coming on - DO NOT engage in illegal acts. I’m not responsible for what you do with your life), but she’s one to do her research, and would definitely have an appreciation for what some of these dumb criminals actually did that got them caught:

You probably shouldn’t wear your work uniform to rob a bank. this moron actually attempted this. Nadia definitely wouldn’t approve, and she’s lured pedophiles into the woods to kill them. I’ll bet he was totally shocked if and when he got caught.

If someone steals your cocaine, don’t call the cops. I feel like this should go unsaid, but yeah, apparently I’m a day late and a dollar short…again! Oh, and this is a Florida Man story. Seriously, Florida Man could be a whole web or TV series. But, yeah, in Florida in 2017, this guy called the cops to report his cocaine stolen. I’m guessing he never got it back.

If you’re gonna steal cars, learn how to drive a stick shift! Come on! This should go without saying. Nadia never engages in a homicide without a clear plan to dispose of the evidence, or at least make it virtually impossible to prove her guilty of anything except maybe drinking too much black coffee. This idiot, however, decided to carjack someone, but failed miserably and hilariously because he doesn’t know how to drive a stick shift, and the car was one.

So, yeah, you should probably keep your day job.

© 2016-2020 by Blake Hutchison dba Sansevieria Media Group. All Rights Reserved.